My almost 2-year-old (And boy, do I know it!)

No one ever warned me that the "Terrible-Twos" actually come before a child ever turns 2-years-old. For the second time I have been caught unprepared to handle a child who is all-of-a-sudden exerting his will with the ferocity of a lion.

Christopher will be 21-months-old tomorrow.

The last 2 weeks have held new battles between Momma and Gus-gus. He has always been the most willful of our children, though. He is not only certain of his own mind, but resents anyone who would seek to deter him from his will. Distraction no longer works. Silly songs and games no longer work. Mealtimes and playtimes, alike, are full of tears and gnashing teeth. And I am about to go insane. Not really; it just feels as though at every turn my sweet little boy fights me and tries to push me toward surrender. He will eventually find out that my will is much stronger than his will ever be.

I will not be the one to surrender; he will be. I am implacable. I am resilient. I have always been, and now I am seeing the blessing God has given to me in that. Yes. I am a hard-nose. I don't tolerate foolishness. I don't let bad behavior slide. Like I said before, this makes parenting a lot more difficult at times and it always presents me with temptations to anger and pride. This is just one more way God is using my children to sanctify me.

In the last week I have, by God's grace, been able to hedge my anger and speak kindly, yet firmly when necessary, to the kids. There have been multiple times even today when I had to remind myself that I don't deserve to have an easy life. I don't deserve to see good fruit from my long labors to train my children. God allows good fruit to come in His time through my seeming effort. My pride tells me that through my efforts to be consistent and diligent, my children will obey me. Yeah right. God, who is perfect in His holiness and patience, still has to train my heart moment by moment. I cannot control Christopher's heart. God, who could control me, has chosen to let me make the decision to disobey Him. I am shamed when I think of that.

God is the one who accomplishes obedience in my kids. He holds me responsible to faithfully proclaim the gospel to my children; I am to train them in the way of righteousness -- and to constantly remind them that they cannot be righteous outside of Jesus' death and resurrection. Only when they humble themselves and acknowledge that they are sinners will God give them the grace to conquer their sinful hearts.

I have to hold tight to this truth:

And you shall again obey the voice of the Lord and keep all his commandments that I command you today. The Lord your God will make you abundantly prosperous in all the work of your hand, in the fruit of your womb and in the fruit of your cattle and in the fruit of your ground. For the Lord will again take delight in prospering you, as he took delight in your fathers, when you obey the voice of the Lord your God, to keep his commandments and his statutes that are written in this Book of the Law, when you turn to the Lordyour God with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deuteronomy 30:8-10)

So will you pray for me when you think of Christopher's "Terrible-Twos?" Pray that I would deal kindly and patiently with Christopher, and that I would not grow weary of training him. Also pray that God will grant Christopher a soft heart that will accept and apply the gospel at a very young age.

A child who won't eat (and other situations that bring out the sin hiding in my heart.)

Today has been a truly difficult day. My sons have seemingly fought me on every single little thing I have instructed them to do. My infant daughter was reluctant to sleep or eat because of teething, and crying so that everyone would be as miserable as she. I was frustrated, but then lunch time came around.

First, the level of frustration started to rise when Bethany, who was obviously hungry, refused to nurse or to eat anything. Then Christopher decided he did not want to eat the cheese-filled pasta I made him for lunch (usually a favorite.) Now, I know I have made things more difficult for myself because I have chosen eating as one of those "pick your battles" issues. The boys must eat at least 2 bites of whatever I have made and if they are certain they don't like it, I won't push it further. But recently, Christopher has been refusing the first bite and me being just as stubborn has decided to *make* him eat the bite. You can imagine me holding his sweet little face between my left arm and my stomach and putting the fork into his wailing, open mouth. Surprisingly, this technique has worked for him in the past. He usually tastes the food and then happily eats. Not today! He spit out the food (another battle issue for me) and my anger could not be contained any longer. I screamed, "Christopher, no spitting!" and went to wash my hands after catching said bite. I continued to scream at him from the sink and then still as I came back for Round 2. He just would not eat. I spanked him and he still would not eat. Then Bethany renewed her tears and the decibel level in the house was maddening! By this time poor Benjamin stopped eating his lunch in favor of sticking his fingers in his ears. If I had taken a look at myself in the mirror I'm pretty sure I would have looked like a fire breathing dragon. Thankfully, my husband called and talked me down a bit, but even as I write this, I feel the anger was only hastily tamped down, like a campfire with red hot wood still hidden beneath blacked timbers.

Anger is always just below the surface on some days. I have tried to be proactive and anticipate where conflicts will arise and try to head them off at the pass. Somedays, even that is not enough to stop the flow of anger from my heart. This verse is my one comfort on days such as this:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

So, what is the way of escape that I missed today? What strategies do you employ when tempted to be angry? I desperately want to change because an "angry mom" does not bring glory to God, she only brings condemnation on herself.

The truth about me.

I am a sinner.

There, I said it! I know that will make most people uncomfortable, but I had to get that out there because that is the first thing that is true about me.

The second thing that is true about me is that God loved me enough to send His son Jesus to live a perfect life on earth and then crush him on the cross so that I could claim Jesus' life as my own, His righteousness as my own and thereby be accepted as only Jesus rightfully could. I could stop there, but there's more.

The third thing that is true about me is that even though my sin is no longer counted against me, I want to put that sin to death in this life. I know that is impossible, but I am going to keep trying. Actually, God is going to keep working on me so that I will look more like Jesus on the day that I meet Him. Not for my glory, but for His - that he could transform such a wretched sinner into even a semblance of holiness. I will have no power to boast because it alone is His work in me that makes me even want to stop sinning. That's the starting point for all that follows.