Today has been a truly difficult day. My sons have seemingly fought me on every single little thing I have instructed them to do. My infant daughter was reluctant to sleep or eat because of teething, and crying so that everyone would be as miserable as she. I was frustrated, but then lunch time came around.
First, the level of frustration started to rise when Bethany, who was obviously hungry, refused to nurse or to eat anything. Then Christopher decided he did not want to eat the cheese-filled pasta I made him for lunch (usually a favorite.) Now, I know I have made things more difficult for myself because I have chosen eating as one of those "pick your battles" issues. The boys must eat at least 2 bites of whatever I have made and if they are certain they don't like it, I won't push it further. But recently, Christopher has been refusing the first bite and me being just as stubborn has decided to *make* him eat the bite. You can imagine me holding his sweet little face between my left arm and my stomach and putting the fork into his wailing, open mouth. Surprisingly, this technique has worked for him in the past. He usually tastes the food and then happily eats. Not today! He spit out the food (another battle issue for me) and my anger could not be contained any longer. I screamed, "Christopher, no spitting!" and went to wash my hands after catching said bite. I continued to scream at him from the sink and then still as I came back for Round 2. He just would not eat. I spanked him and he still would not eat. Then Bethany renewed her tears and the decibel level in the house was maddening! By this time poor Benjamin stopped eating his lunch in favor of sticking his fingers in his ears. If I had taken a look at myself in the mirror I'm pretty sure I would have looked like a fire breathing dragon. Thankfully, my husband called and talked me down a bit, but even as I write this, I feel the anger was only hastily tamped down, like a campfire with red hot wood still hidden beneath blacked timbers.
Anger is always just below the surface on some days. I have tried to be proactive and anticipate where conflicts will arise and try to head them off at the pass. Somedays, even that is not enough to stop the flow of anger from my heart. This verse is my one comfort on days such as this:
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
So, what is the way of escape that I missed today? What strategies do you employ when tempted to be angry? I desperately want to change because an "angry mom" does not bring glory to God, she only brings condemnation on herself.
You take a time out! :) You walk away from the screaming and crying for a minute... you go to your room or bathroom breath, pray, count, cry. I know it sounds ridiculous but sometimes I think time outs were really meant for parents.
ReplyDeleteI know its not easy being a parent and sometimes I think it brings out the worst in us. But all we can do is wake up in the morning and pray today will be a better day... leave all the struggles and worries and screams and cries behind and enjoy today!!
Sarah, thank you for sharing your heart.
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm nowhere near ready to raise my own lil ones yet, I find myself in a position where I have a key role in helping to raise other peoples' kids: teaching (and living in the female dorms) at a military boarding school for grades 7-12. I had no idea the extent to which I struggled with impatience and anger until the Lord placed me here.
Many of the attitude problems I deal with on a daily basis go way beyond normal teenage attitudes. Most of our students have at least some level of ADHD. The vast majority are here because their parents have been told that their kids "just need more structure." We even have a few who were denied admission by other military schools due to having been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. The spiritual warfare that takes place in my classroom and in these dorms is astonishingly evident some days.
The main thing the Lord has been teaching me this year is that I'm completely ineffective unless I truly have the mind of Christ. So, here's what I have learned to do:
First, I find that I need to constantly listen to uplifting music. If I have a worship song in my heart, I can keep things in perspective.
Second, I find a direct correlation between how my day goes and the amount of time I spend in prayer and the Word. I don't face any fewer challenges on those days. If anything, I'm under even greater attack. But my outlook is completely different when I've spent time with the Lord. I interpret the situations that come my way completely differently. In fact, some of the time all I need to do is close my eyes, take a deep breath and say a quick prayer, and I can get right back in the game.
Next, I have learned to embrace my emotions. It's okay to get excited and tell them I'm proud of them, to rejoice in their accomplishments. It's okay to be quieter than normal because I'm sad, to admit that I'm hurting, and to discuss the healing power of tears. And yes, it's okay to get angry. Negative attention is better than no attention at all, for some of my kids. Many of my students live to try to make me angry. And it's okay to rise to the occasion, because while most of them won't remember a word of Spanish, they will all remember how their high school Spanish teacher treated them. I may be one of the few examples they experience of a person who gets angry and raises her voice, but does not curse at them, tear them down, or otherwise verbally abuse them. Kids learn by watching more than anything else, so they need to actually see us express our emotions.
Finally, I'm learning the importance of conflict resolution. When I do give into sin, I need to take ownership and teach them what to do in the aftermath. I may be the only adult who yells at them, but comes back later and apologizes for having overreacted. One of my girls once admitted that she never apologizes, because, as she put it, "If they were really sorry, they wouldn't have done it in the first place." I explained, "I always try to apologize when I've done something wrong, because--" Another girl interrupted me and finished my sentence: "Because you're a Christian?" That really wasn't what I had been planning to say, but it really drove the lesson home for me.
Sarah, never underestimate the power of a praying mom. This is a common theme throughout the Old and New Testaments alike, from Samuel to Timothy, and even in Jesus' own life. I never would have made it through VMI and I would not have made it this far into the school year had it not been for my own Warrior Mom.
~Jackie B.